dirty birthday one liners
When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body. The guy goes, ‘So you can put it up yourself?’ I said, ‘No, I was thinking the living room.” – Gary Delaney, I asked a Chinese girl for her number.

“Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex and men need to have sex to feel loved, so the basic act of continuing the species requires a lie from one of you.” – Billy Connolly, I nearly lost my job as a roofer when I was caught masturbating on the first day. The largest collection of birthday one-line jokes in the world.

My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead. A man walks into a bar and takes a seat on one of the stools.

Then I realised I hadn’t turned the telly on.

Luckily my boss suggested we just wipe the slate clean.

"How do you breathe through that tiny thing?".

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. First, we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you.

You should have seen his face light up when he opened it. Men have an antenna. – Gary Delaney, “A Christian friend of mine said that sex between two men is wrong in their eyes. Are you my new boss? Bought a friend a fridge for his birthday.

Puns And One Liners. I was still w***ing.” – Gary Delaney, “Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with, ‘I can’t talk now, I’m going into a tunnel.’” – Jimmy Carr. I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother. Enjoy. One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."

Did you hear about the constipated accountant? Her mom responded, “Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!” Maria replied, “See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!”.

A: Your age You have arrived at old age when all you can put your teeth into... is a glass. ... I’m not one to blow my own trumpet. When at the supermarket, I always pick the cashier who’s most likely to have sex with me. Took my friend to see the world’s biggest fan as a birthday treat. I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. My blood type is B Negative. Cause you’re about to have a mouth full of wood.

“I went to buy a Christmas tree. See TOP 10 Halloween one liners. A collection of short, funny Birthday jokes!

Obviously, they don’t know that yet… – Gary Delaney. She said, “Sex! I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.

Sex! So he gives it to her. You agree by closing this box or continuing to use our site. Do you want to come to my time machine? Do you know a funny one liner? I'm not sure how. I took a Viagra the other day. Absolutely hillarious dirty one-liners! – Gary Delaney, “The annoying thing about Christmas is running out of batteries because the kids want them for their toys. Just all in my experience.” – David Mitchell, “I thought Coq au Vin was love in a lorry.” – Victoria Wood. If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it… He's gay, definitely gay. I said “no, I’ll just turn the lights off.”, “Las Vegas and Glasgow have a lot in common: they’re the only two places in the world where you can pay for sex with chips.” – Frankie Boyle, The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup. Enjoy the Dirty Jokes and One liners, No Need to worry just enjoy and leave all your stress in the junk box… Checkout the blow nasty jokes and one liners- ... Birthday Jokes (83) Birthday Jokes for kids (72) Birthday Quotes (4) Blonde Jokes (154) … It doesn’t cure it but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night. My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the bonnet of her Honda.

If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are... you have small boobs. I may not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you. I thought, “Well, which is it?” – Gary Delaney. Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. Do you know a funny one liner? Patient: "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."

That's free cake once a year for a lifetime.

I’m sorry, but if Christmas is coming – so am I.” – Sarah Millican, “One sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears.

Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest! Do you need a stud in your life?

I refused.

I saw a dildo the other day described as “nine inches long and realistic”. Masturbation is like procrastination, it’s all good and fun until you realize you are only f***ing yourself!

See TOP 10 age one liners. I just found an origami porn channel, but it’s paper view only.

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party. Love is like a machine… sometimes you need a good screw to fix it.

Not the best advice I’d ever been given. Then I was born. It got caught in my throat and all I ended up with was a stiff neck. Search in the largest collection of one liners and puns, We use cookies for analytics, advertising and to improve user experience. Always end up at self-checkout. “I lost my virginity under a bridge. I’m trying to finish writing a script for a porno movie, but there are just too many holes in the plot. He couldn't budget, so he had to work it out with a … But you probably can’t tell in these trousers. Dirty One Liners. If you get easily offeneded or need a safe space, these dirty jokes are definitely not for you! Man goes to work and confides to a colleague, “I think I forgot my wife’s birthday.”. 69% of people find something dirty in every sentence. See TOP 10 dirty one liners. The largest collection of dirty one-line jokes in the world. It's always a good idea to make friends with babies. I had to fast-forward through the boring bit at the beginning.

Absolutely hillarious birthday one-liners! Absolutely hillarious age one-liners!

“Oh darling,” she replies, “ what a beautiful new outfit to pick my mother up from the airport in.”. Dirty Jokes Funny One-Liners Cheesy Jokes Funny Pick Up Lines.

Why men's voice is louder than women? To find out more see our.

About three inches. 1. I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset.


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